Monday, July 22, 2002

Negotiating with HAMAS terrorists?

HAMAS THINKS ISRAEL iS NAIVE: Hamas, that wonderful terrorist group which likes to murder babies, has offered to halt suicide bombing attacks if Israel withdraws from the Palestinian cities it occupied. Nonsensical? Yes. Negotiating with terrorists? Yes. Likely to work? No. But anyway, here's what will happen:

* Robert Fisk will say that this shows Israel's unwillingness to stop terrorism through peaceful means, is an Israeli war crime, and doesn't matter because Sharon is actually responsible for perpetrating suicide attacks to bolster Israel's PR.
* Javier Solana and the European Union will inform us of the need to take advantage of an opportunity unlike any other, as Hamas is prepared to stop attacks in exchange for a justified withdrawal. Spain will then refuse to negotiate with the ETA and the other Basque separatists.
* The Guardian will refer to Hamas as a "militant group devoted to the just liberation of occupied Palestinian land."
* Mona Baker will fire Israeli professors because this Israeli policy of non-negotiation with terrorists is their fault.
* The Arab News will laud Hamas' devotion to peace and Sharon's devotion to war crimes.
* Israel will laugh, tell the aforementioned to go to hell, and remain in Ramallah and Jenin.

9/11 World Trade Center Victims Families Deported!

HOW TO OUTWIT AMERICAN GOVERNMENT: Deena Gilbey had the unfortunate task of telling her children that their father wouldn't be coming home after he was murdered in the Twin Towers on 9/11 while trying to evacuate co-workers. Now, she has the unfortunate task of telling her children why they have to move. The INS is trying to deport her.

From what country is Deena that she merits deportation? She must be Pakistani, or Saudi, or Indonesian. Maybe she's affiliated with al-Qaeda. Actually, she's from the United Kingdom, our only friend over there in Europe. INS still doesn't care.

I say she deserves it. I mean, come on Deena. If you want to stay in this country, there are several things you have to do. You can get your visa extended if you crash a plane into the World Trade Center and kill a few thousand Americans. You can get a visa (super-fast!) if you happen to live on the Arabian Peninsula. You can get a visa if you're here to study at a flight school, or to work as a nuclear engineer or a supervisor in a chemical laboratory. But for being the widow of an innocent victim from an allied country, Deena, you get nothing. Nil. Zilch. Naught. You should've known this. (via LGF)